The rabit escaped, but he’s a vampire now.

A friend sent me a Japanese ear stick cleaner thingy from J-Town, which works. So I decided to see what Non-Japanese anti-wax devices are available. Apparently, it’s an international obsession.

The British Vacuum Clean was my favorite device. Diversify Black & Decker, Diversify!
”This electric Ear Wax Remover actually vacuums out the wax, without stimulating production of more. So you can keep your shell-likes pink and clean without the risk of harm (putting foreign bodies into your ear canal can cause otitis, an inflammatory infection).”

If you think that’s scary, wait till you check out Keegan and Bannister infamous 2005 masterpiece from the Canadian Medical Association Journal: A novel method for the removal of ear cerumen

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Thank You Adwords! #1

Author: Erik Martin

Thanks, Adwords. Without you I would have never found this patented travel product that lets me always have “comfort in the palm of my hand.”

It might not be as revolutionary as the infamous The Backup, but it does “eliminates annoying head bobbing,” and I never would have found it without a helpful text ad.

I wonder what Balledupsweatshirt’s US Patent # is?

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Applicant

Applicant

Editor Jesse Reklaw found some Ivy League recycling bin treasure in the form of confidential Ph.D. applications from the 60s and 70s. Fortunately he published them as the glorious booklet Applicant. The applications are even complete with merciless notes from the dark-hooded review board. It makes your imagination run wondering what these jettisoned souls are up to these days. Funny and sad and sublime.

Applicant

DSACDAD sufferers, your prayers are answered

DSACDAD sufferers, your prayers are answered

HAVIDOL is for the treatment of Dysphoric Social Attention Consumption Deficit Anxiety Disorder (DSACDAD). It is the only known medication available for this newly recognized disorder. No prescription drug can promise endless happiness. However given HAVIDOL’s track record, and Future PHARMS commitment to perfecting life through chemistry, terminal happiness has become a real possibility. Take the HAVIDOL QUIZ

Dysphoric Social Attention Consumption Deficit Anxiety Disorder

Kentucky Fried Cannibalism circa 1987


Damn, was that really 20 years ago?!